A Year in Review: 2013

Let's see how bad I will feel about myself when I've finished this post, eh?

Last year I made 10 resolutions. It was the first time I'd made a serious commitment to reforming myself so I was a bit optimistic, as I always seem to be. Let me list my failures for you.

1. Tidy my room: Yeah my room is still messy like most of the time. I think I really need to throw out a lot of stuff this year and live a minimalistic life.
2. Write every day: So this went relatively well until I decided I wasn't gaining anything from writing and I wasn't producing anything I was happy with. So I stopped bothering about half way through the year. As have mentioned in a previous post I regret doing this.
3. Write a novel: Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAAHAHAHAHHHHAHAAHUHUHUHUH.
4. Read 50 books: Um. This one I tried really hard at. Until I lost track completely. I wasn't keeping to my deadlines though anyway so I don't think I would have succeeded. I read excruciatingly slowly.
5. Learn the piano and ukulele: Oh god. I did play the piano a lot more this year, not to say that I've improved very much. I can play a sizeable amount of Hans Zimmer's Time, the BBC Sherlock theme tune, silent night, the right hand of jingle bells and Fur Elise though. So I didn't completely fail that one. The uke though. I haven't touched it.
6. Organise my blog: I never quite figured out what I wanted to do with my blog but that's okay. I made this new blog over the summer and I blogged for a whole month in August every day. I think I actually passed this one!
7. Be nicer: I think I have definitely made a conscious effort to be more friendly to people this year. Like not a big effort because you know as a rule I don't try my best. But I really hope I can continue to make a small effort to talk to people and be nice.
8. Motivate myself: It always seems to come at this time of the year when I feel most motivated. I realise that I really ought to be trying hard to get somewhere in life. The problem is I become dispirited so quickly. I get lazy and I lose my motivation, my will to try. Wise words simply can muster the strength within me to work and I don't know what I can do to change that.
9. Exercise: I certainly exercised more this year than I have in so long but not every day as I planned. The first half of the year I had activities twice a week at least in school so that helped keep me trying but this year I do choir instead and we don't even have PE class. However my dad very recently bought an exercise bike so hopefully that will make exercising more convenient for me and I plan to set up a regular exercise schedule.
10. Make friends: So I went to Irish college during the summer and met loads of great people. I still in contact with quite a few of them. I've spread my friendship in school too and talked to people I never thought I could get along with. As a result I feel more a part of my year which is really nice. I also broadened my internet friendships this year which is great too. I've stayed touch with people I've met through tumblr and nerdfighteria and it's nice in a weird way to kind of vent to people who know very little about you but understand what you're going through. So success.

In summary, I sorted out my blog which resulted in me becoming a nicer person and making friends.

Hey Again.

It's Christmas Day and I'm trying to finish writing this as I started it a few days ago.
I sometimes wonder what I'd be like if I was pretty. If I exercised a lot and lost weight and my legs toned out and my skin cleared up I wonder how I would feel about myself. I'm not confident in my appearance but also I'm not very insecure about it. I mean I don't expect that anyone finds me attractive or ever will the way I currently look but I'm okay with how I look. I'd rate my appearance a 6/10 and my insecurity over my appearance, maybe 4/10. I'd like to be prettier obviously but I'm not quite sure why anymore.

You see, most of my insecurities lie in things beneath my physical appearance. They lie in things like how worthy I am of people's friendships, how the fuck I'm capable of surviving in this world and how I seem completely incapable of trying my best at anything. I know that if I were able to eliminate or even improve on these flaw I'd feel so much better about myself and more confident in my existence. But I don't know whether anything would change at all if I were beautiful on the outside.

Next year. 2014. I want something to change. I want to understand myself and fucking take control of my life. Merry Christmas everyone and I hope you have a successful 2014.

Life Happens

Life is great. I'm on top of my school work, my Christmas exams are over, my mother's trying to control my life but that's just a phase she goes through - it'll pass. My social anxiety (for lack of a better term) is better than it has ever been, which isn't much by normal standards but it's the most freeing thing I've ever experienced.

So why am I so sad? I haven't got any specific reason for feeling this way and it makes me think that I don't have the right to feel unhappy right now. Like my minor worries aren't important enough in the grand scale of the world. I know you oughtn't to judge yourself compared to others and that every problem is uniquely dealt with but preaching and practising are so very far from each other.

I always have the feeling that I'm not doing anything worthwhile with my life. It's a boredom and a fear and it's a terrible, terrible flaw.
At the beginning of this year one of my resolutions was to write every day and though I was doing quite well keeping to this I decided about half way through the year that I didn't want to be writing anymore. I regret this decision for many reasons not only because writing allows me to examine my thoughts and understand myself better but also because I have recently rediscovered my love of writing. And I mean writing as a noun not a verb. I love the flow of word to word across a page, the scrawl of a familiar handwriting, I love simple wordplay that creates such beautiful humour. I just love writing, man. It's the most awe inspiring art that will ever pass through my mind. I miss it too and though I wish I was actually good at it I still enjoy scribbling rubbish onto a sheet.

I don't have a point to this post except to update my blog because it has been far too long. Hopefully that won't happen again.

OMG MORE SCHOOL

I know I'm probably boring all my non-existent readers to death by not writing for a month and then just talking about school again but fact is I have nothing else going on in my life. La vida de los jóvenes puede ser muy triste.

I ought to be studying or writing my history essay or some such boring activity right now but as the old saying goes, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow. That's what they say, isn't it?

I look at other people in my school and I know that they are working today as they plan to next year again, they're keeping on top of their work and getting the highest grades they can achieve. And I know they're doing this so they won't fall behind next year and have to stress out before the Leaving Cert exams. They're doing it so they'll get good grades and get into the college of their choice.

I can see all of this from an outsider's point of view. Like I'm not the one in the exact same position. It hasn't yet hit me that I'm doing my leaving cert next year. My last year of school is next year. I'll have to start applying to colleges next year. Thinking about what course I want to do, NEXT YEAR. It feels like yesterday when I was a little twelve year old starting secondary school. Yesterday when went to Germany on my second year school trip. Yesterday when I did my Junior cert examinations. Yesterday when I went to Rome with my friends.

We enter this world and are told we can be anyone, do anything we want. We are given encouragement that is just lies as the people around us know that eventually we will realise that technically we can do whatever we love but most of us will choose that which pays well. Even now, less than half a year from becoming seventeen, people still chuck at me the shit they so desperately want to believe themselves. And by people yes, of course I mean adults. Teachers, parents, hopeful young adults, they all want to believe that they are getting somewhere with their lives. They are encouraging young students to get the best out of life and follow their dreams. They are raising inspirational teenagers who will change the world. They are saying things and doing things as much to convince themselves as to convince us.

I know there are people who make a solid living out of what they love. I know there are people who love their lives and want for nothing. I know there are people who are truly making a difference in this world.
I know it's not as hopeless a place as I've made out but there just don't seem to be enough happy people out there.

Is it really so difficult to find the thing you love doing and do it?

Life in Letters - Tag

Alex Richard George Day - made a video a week ago called life in letters, this post is clearly a response to it. Anyway Alex has been a major influence on how I view the world and the values I have today.

Bitch - "But not the traditional kind, the strong independent woman kind." Quote from my friend Danielle about me. I've always loved the sound of the word bitch. I think it's just got such a badass sound to it and I'm proud to use it to describe myself.

Calm - I like to think that I'm a pretty chill person and that I don't stress out over things too much. It's really important not let the little things in life work you up because that sort of pressure will drive a person insane.

Dreamer - I spend way too much time imagining the things I one day plan to do rather than doing them today. But I don't have the freedom to do the things I want right now.

Expressive - apparently I have a very expressive face. I've been told by too many people that I make really strange expressions and contortions of my face, often without intention. It seems my eyes and eyebrows are the biggest betrayers and the most active parts of my face.

Feminism - This has been a huge part of my life for so long now and not a day goes past when something doesn't happen to remind how unequal the world is. I know feminism has gotten a bad name from some people *cough*extreme feminists*cough*. The majority of feminists are not extremists though and simply believe and try to help create a more equal world.

Green Day - Also chosen by Alex Day but I couldn't think of a more fitting word beginning with G. Green Day are my favourite band of all time, in fact I wrote a blog post declaring them my favourite of all things which can be read here. I love their sound so much more than any band I've ever heard and their lyrics evoke as much thought in me as my history books ever have.

Hungry - I have a pretty massive appetite and since starting back to school this week it's gotten even bigger. I go to sleep hungry, I wake up hungry, I just can't seem to get enough food into me. I'm not that keen on the actual eating though. I eat pretty quickly because it feels like I'm wasting my time while I could be doing other things.

Introverted - I've always preferred my own company to other's. It's hard for me to talk to people I don't know well and even when I do know them I often don't feel like talking at all. I find this does make life very difficult especially when I'm in a situation where I don't know any of the people, which seems like that's all the situations I was in this past year. It's like I have a mental block when it comes to talking to people.

Jewellery - is a thing that I like to make, though I don't have a lot of time to do it. I like making original and interesting kinds of accessories because it's hard to find jewellery that I like at an affordable price.

Kay 'Kate' Anne Muldowney - is my name but I'm mostly called Kate because my parents are annoying like that and have called me everything other than Kay my entire life. So I'm Kate, nice to meet you.

Lace - Because it is my favourite material and I dream of one day having a long sleeved, ankle length, plain, lace dress that I would just wear on casual occasions, like to the supermarket. Preferably it would be white but black would be good too.

Messy - I have an inability to keep any area tidy. I clean my room up completely and three days later it's a mess again.

Night - I'm definitely a hight owl. I hate getting up in the morning but I do however feel more motivated the earlier in the day it is.

Oslo - is a city I really want to visit soon.

Potter - Harry Potter was a huge influence on my young life and I can't imagine who I would be today without those books. They gave me a place where I felt I fitted in and where I could be magic and special when I didn't believe that I was. They gave me a reason to have hope and to keep going. I honestly don't know if I would have survived some of those years if it were not for the adventures I went on with the trio.

Quiet - People always say that I'm quiet and it's true, I know but not by choice. If I could choose my lifestyle I'd be a social butterfly, always going somewhere and doing something. As it is I can't feel comfortable with any person until I've known them quite a while. Shy is the worst thing though. I hate when people call me shy because I'm not. I have no aversion to talking to strangers it's just that when I'm expected to have a conversation with one that I lose all control over my thoughts.

Respect - I try to treat everyone I meet with respect in the beginning because any relationship needs to have a good start. It pisses me off when teachers/parents etc. expect you to respect them regardless of the way they treat you. I'll treat you with respect until you are proven unworthy, at which point I'll disrespect you until you prove yourself worthy.

Sherlock - Alex may believe that you can tell how much a part of a fandom someone is by how much they give out about the thing but I think Sherlock is perfect and I wouldn't change anything about it. Yes it leaves me at the edge of my seat, yes it makes my heart race and simultaneously rips it to shreds but that's what a good story does. That's how it should be. The acting is on key, the writing is witty and so clever, the plots are intelligent and incredibly thought out. It may be almost completely different from the novels but I honestly don't mind that, much as I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books.

Tumblr - is a site that I was addicted to, like many people, but I don't feel the need to check in on it any more. At the beginning of the summer I went to Irish college for three weeks where we weren't allowed mobiles, internet or ipods and we spoke Irish the entire time. When I came back I never got back into the habit of checking Tumblr and I slowly stopped caring about it. Occasionally I do log in still to see if there is anything interesting but mainly it's just the same mindless babble that you find on every social network. I really need to change the circle of people that I'm following.

Unoriginal - as you can tell from me doing a tag on the last day of BEDA. I steal other peoples jokes, I take story ideas from everywhere and combine them. I know that people say no idea can be fully original but many of them are more original than mine.

Virginity - is a thing that I have found.

Writing - is something that I love doing. It helps me to gather my thoughts and understand what they actually mean. It's also a really relaxing past-time. I love the idea of making up characters, worlds, stories, it feels like the greatest thing we have in this world - the ability to imagine other worlds that we have never experienced other than in our mind.

X - is for kisses because I love you, dearest reader.

Year - 1997 was the year I was born making me seventeen next February second.

Z - is for zip. Two reasons, one because I'm tired and can't think of anything else. Two because how the fuck did 'whoever' invent that thing? Ugh it is such a cool gadget, like, have you ever thought about the way it works and everything? Basically, I like zips a lot.

Tag - I tag Danielle because now that her BALA is over she will need motivation to blog again.

(BEDA may be finished but I'll still be blogging weekly, I promise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

- Kate

The Future of the Goof Hunt

Tomorrow is the last day of Blog Every Day in August. I am so greatly relieved by that fact. I've succeeded in blogging every single day of this  month and it was great and I really enjoyed it but now I'm ready for it to stop. It's hard to think of topics to write about when I'm spending all day sitting in a classroom listening to someone talk at me. Blogging is hard but I've definitely improved immensely at it this past month.

I hope to continue blogging at least once a week from September. I've gotten much better at writing about absolutely anything and doing my best to make it interesting but it's still super challenging especially while juggling school work. As I said previously I've started 5th year which means a lot of studying and I really want to stay focused this year. I know I'll need to push myself to the limits to keep up with the work and I'm prepared to do that, but I don't want my blog to suffer too.

So that's my plan and hopefully I'll see it through then same way I saw BEDA through.

-Kate

Pride and Prejudice

You're probably expecting this post to be about the novel by Jane Austen. That's prejudice. You judged this post prior to reading the entirety, but in fairness it's a misleading title.

You might know that in the first draft for Austen's book she called it First Impressions. Accurate but not quite as catchy as the revised version I think. Anyway this post is supposed to be about first impressions. But probably will end up being a school ramble.

I have a lot of new teachers this year that I have had no prior experience with and it's really interesting to me to start off the year examining their habits and teaching methods. From what I've seen so far (only day two I know) I seem to have relatively good teachers, by which I mean none that I feel like locking in the outdoor shed for a week.

I have a habit of reserving judgement of people until I have a fair amount of information about them, usually about 2-3 weeks worth, when it comes to teachers. I find it hard to understand how someone can have one class with a teacher and decide that they love them and they're amazing. I get that some teachers can have that effect and I suppose different types of teachers have that effect on different types of people.

I decided at the beginning of this year that I would go in with a completely open mind about all the teachers. Even the ones I had for Junior Cert and disliked and the ones I've heard horror stories about. It's been working well for me so far.

It may only be day two, but there has already been a mental breakdown among my friends. I haven't found fifth year stressful yet even though I'm already weighed down with homework. I guess that will come when I begin to fall behind on learning. (Which will be NEVER. I've keeping on top of everything this year, she said for the fifth year in a row.)

That's all we've got time for today folks, join me tomorrow when I probably will not have anything more interesting to say to you.

Premature Nostalgia

Looking for Alaska, The Perks of being a Wallflower, Paper Towns.

I don't read a lot of real-world YA novels, preferring the foreign lands of high fantasy, but anytime I read this sort of book I get a strange sense of nostalgia and foreboding. It's nostalgia for my lost teenage years that I'll never again get back as well as foreboding for the regret I fear I'll feel in ten years for wasting my youth studying.

The thing is, I'm sixteen years old and the characters in these books are roughly my age but I can't seem to relate my own life to them at all. I'm consumed by exams and study stress whereas their lives are full of excitement and adventure. These books are full of teens who run away from home, go to indie music concerts, road-trips, play pranks, smoke, date, do drugs and generally just enjoy life. I realise that these are such stereotypical teenage things to do and that smoking and doing drugs are not advisable ways to live but there is still a yearning inside of me to live the life of a criminal and a vandal. These kids live their lives with very little regard for the rest of the world, they have fun and they make memories with the people they love. I don't feel like I have done any of these things that I have so far listed.

I've never disobeyed my parents (at least in nothing bigger than staying up half the night online when I was told to go to bed), I've never been to any kind of concert, I'm too young to drive, the biggest prank I pulled was on April first when I was ten and stuffed my bed so it looked like I was still asleep, I hate the smell of tobacco smoke, I go to an all-girls school and only have a casual acquaintance with a few male beings and I have never tried drugs. I constantly feel like I'm not achieving anything with my life and tell myself that when I finish school my life will begin but in my heart I know that it already has and I'm just not doing anything with it.

I suppose this is why I get such a peculiar feeling when I read books by John Green and Stephen Chbosky. It's a feeling of longing to go out and live a crazy life with my friends and forget for a few hours what the consequences might be. And I suppose this is partly the Gryffindor within me that wants to let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen, firing arrows into the sunset. But hey, anything is possible if you have confidence and a focused mind right? (I'm adopting that as my life motto now.)

So maybe I'm wasting my youth and maybe I'll regret it in the future. But how can I know I wouldn't regret it more if I skipped school and failed my exams? Maybe it's not possible to live a life free of regretful things and maybe we should all try to be Zen. Or maybe we just wish for a life more exciting than our own because we can never be satisfied with the one we have.

Wasting my life away, as usual

I'm a big fan of web shows and I think they are massively under-rated creations so here are some of my favourites in order.

1. Husbands: A hilarious story of two celebrities making the best of their sham wedding after waking up in Vegas. One a well respected base-baller, the other a scandalous icon of the media, they decide to make their situation work to preserve the good name of homosexual marriage. With two seasons out and a third on the way I don't understand why this isn't super mainstream popular already. Or you know, YouTube's equivalent.

 2. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries: Based on the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and co-written and produced by one half of the Vlogbrothers, Hank Green, this one of the best web shows I've seen. It's clearly created by people who understand YouTube and vlogging and are well able to imitate that method. It's finished now but not to worry there are plenty of spin-off series if you look for them.

3. Squaresville: Described as being very Paper Towns-like it is the story of two friends and their struggle to find purpose in their hormone, angst filled, teenage lives. It's funny and clever with an incredible cast and writers. Filled with hipsters, nerds and just regular-joes this is a show for every teenager, but just as much for anyone who has gone the road before.

4. Job Hunters: If the Hunger Games and Big Brother had a kid this would be it. (Bear in mind I've never watched an episode of Big Brother but it's basically prospective celebrities living in a house together and when they get out they are famous right?)
The contestants come from all different job backgrounds but only one of them can finally succeed and win the place. They have to fight each other to the death to prove their worth.
A witty and powerful show, I really hope they can make a second season.

5. Hipsterhood: I watched all of season 1 just tonight and I'm addicted. It's a satirical take on the whole Hipster revolution and just about everyone in the show is labelled as a hipster. I like it a lot even though I don't really like any of the characters. Definitely for you if you're the sort that constantly finds themselves scorning other's hipsterhood. Or if you're constantly scorned over you're hipsterhood. Or if you dream of being a hipster. Or if you have no idea what a hipster is. Just about anybody should watch it really.

Bonus
Malice: I started watching this one aeons ago, or so it seems, when there were only a few episodes. Now there is a full season and I can't wait to watch it again. It's a spooky story and gives me the creeps but I suggest you watch it. It's really well made especially for such a small budget, which I know it has.

Each of these are amazing shows and everyone involved should be ridiculously proud of themselves. I loved every minute I wasted watching them and I'd do it again too. Continue making awesome stuff, you guys keep me young.

Shit, I'm an adult

It's really odd to me that in such a short time, almost completely unperceived, one's life-plan can change so dramatically.

I used to hate the conventional way of living - nine to five job, house, car, family, kids (I still hate the latter two) - because of what it meant to me. It meant a monotonous life full of financial worries, a dead-end marraige, bawling babies and tenacious teens. It meant sacrificing my life to other people, looking after a family until I'm old and withered. It meant never achieving anything for myself because I'm busy working a job so as to make sure my kids in the future could get a job like mine and continue the tedious cycle of life. It meant never having adventures and never having exciting stories to tell. And frankly it sounds down-right boring.

I want to see the world, have a hundred different jobs in foreign lands, make friends, maybe fall in love, all the while moving, never staying in one place too long. (Because staying the same means getting comfortable and comfort means BORING.) I want to go hitch-hiking and stay shitty hostels, I want to go on spontaneous road-trips with my friends and decide to go to France at a moments notice. I want to do charity work and write a novel, make a short film and act on stage. I want to climb a mountain, jump out of an airplane and swim with sharks. I want freedom and I want excitement.

But now I'm sixteen years old and I begin my first day in fifth year tomorrow. That means I start studying for my Leaving Certificate examinations and that means work and lots of it. The Leaving is the most important exam that most students in Ireland will ever do. The points you get dictate what courses you are able to do in college and what college you can get into.
I don't know what I want to do after school. I know I want to go to college and get a degree but after that it's a mystery.

But over the last few months I've vaguely noticed a change in how I'm thinking about my future. I've started thinking - and how I dread to say it - ...practically. I've started thinking about...money. And like my financial prospects and how I need to get a job and...ugh.
I feel like I've finally done it. I've finally figured out how you know when you've grown up. When you stop looking at the world as you're oyster and start looking at the possible income you'd get from selling the pearl. Some people will tell you thinking practically is a good thing, it's sensible, but these are most likely business people and I don't want to think like a business person, always looking for an opportunity to make money. I'm a Gryffindor in everything I believe and I don't value thinking practically. In other people sure, it's always good to have a practical thinking side-kick, every good hero needs that, but I would rather see myself as spontaneous - foolish if you wish - than cautious.

More recently though, I find myself thinking about what is the most practical thing for me to study in college, in order to get a good job. Where the fuck did that idea come from? I never wanted a job before, I never cared about financial issues but that's not to say that I spend my money carelessly. I don't believe in living materialistically because in the end everything is just stuff. And I really don't need all this stuff, as pretty as they might look.

I want to remind myself what it was that I hated about practical thinking, remind myself never to grow up. Never to get obsessed with money issues and petty family life. I want to remember the freedom that I always associated adulthood with when I was younger and not waste that privilege on boring things when the prospects are so excitingly endless. I want to enjoy life as fully as I possibly can, without burdening myself with stress and worries.

Kate, don't ever be anything but free.

Blue Eyes and Blond Hair - Truly Hitler's Child

Sometimes you watch a show or a film and the events that occur are so clichéd, unrealistic and over-used that one has to think how the writers still continue to think it adds anything desirable to their work. Then sometimes that very thing happens to you in real life and you are forced to eat your words and admit that perhaps the writers are not as ridiculous as previously perceived.

I went to watch a series of monologues by a theatre group yesterday night in a quaint, tavern like pub called The Hole in the Wall. After the show we realised that my former piano teacher's son was also there and we started talking. I won't hold anything back here - mainly because it would take from the comedic reality of the situation.
He was about twenty five and he was very attractive with curly blond hair, bright blue eyes the shade of sapphires and the most infectious smile I've ever seen on a person. He was tall and handsome, basically but not in the in-your-face kind of way. More in a reserved, modest fashion and he was just a super charming, sweet kind of guy.

Anyway we were all talking sort of generally and then he asked me what age I was and I completely blanked. I can't describe what happened in my head at that moment. He just turned to me suddenly and I was so taken off my guard by his piercing stare and stunning smile. My gaze was caught up in his and I hadn't the slightest clue what age I was. So I said the first thing that came to my head.

"Um, I don't know..."

Come on, Kate, your age. You know this one, you know it. I can't imagine how I must have looked, simply standing there unable to recall a simple number that is ingrained into every human being. He looked at me with a sort of confused expression on his face and with a slightly incredulous tone repeated, "You don't know?"

I didn't notice what happened after that. I think everyone was laughing and I suppose I laughed along with them too. It was a mortifying experience. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't been torn to shreds by the world already.

Day in the Life of a Queen Bee

The Queen bee is one of the most majestic creatures of the insect world. Despite being so tiny, in a world inhabited by so many massive creatures, they still appear to think they that they are the most important beings on this planet.

Exhibit 1: Her Royal and magnificent majesty, Queen Hivian, flies out of her hive on some nameless stately errand. Seeing a clear short cut she accelerates and speeds through a doorway getting a fleeting glimpse of the Human Hive before she'll be straight back in open air and - SMACK! 

"Who dares attack the noble Queen Hivian the third, lone survivor of the great virgin queen war of 2012? I'll tear you to pieces! I'll sting you with my super queen strength stinger! Come out and fight me you miserable featherweight!"

All the while she scrabbles at the glass pane convinced somehow that she will overcome this expansive, invisible force that is clearly far stronger than she. One has got to admire her persistence.

10 minutes later: Finally deciding that maybe she can't break the forcefield, she sits down and pants, her stinger end shaking.

"Okay, okay stay calm. Don't freak out, I'm the motherfucking Queen Bee. My workers will come and find me. Soon someone will realise I'm missing and come looking for me. Won't be long now. They'll bring the whole swarm for me and together we'll bring down these puny humans who haven't even the courage to face me themselves.

But just in case they don't get here for a while..."

Goes back to breaking down the window. Pain means nothing where there is a prospect of freedom.

Tyrannasaurouslex appreciation

I've recently rediscovered my love for Lex Croucher aka Tyrannosauruslexxx on YouTube. I started watching her in 2010 stopped watching most people on YouTube at the beginning of this summer. I've now been reminded how ridiculously talented and funny Lex is. Also I kind of want to steal her hair. I've been watching some of her earliest videos where her hair is so beautiful and I really want it.

Lex's voice is the sort that I could listen to all day. They sort that you imagine singing a baby to sleep. She's such a talented musician and song-writer and her music arrangement is amazing.
Lex is one of the few YouTubers who hasn't changed her username to her real name with the youtube updates and I don't know why that I really respect that. I feel like youtubers build up a separate identity around their username and by merging the two it's as if they are attempting to convince the viewers that they are exactly the person they show themselves to be. I'm not saying that all youtubers lie to their viewers but they certainly don't share every part of their lives. They just seem to me, to lose some of their credibility when they pretend to be their online persona.

Lex is a superbly outspoken woman and feminist and she refuses to put up with peoples shit. I appreciate Lex so much and I hope she continues to make content for us.

x

Riverrun - Olwen Fouéré

A week ago I went to see Riverrun with Olwen Fouéré, in the Watergate theatre. I don't know how to describe the experience without making it seem less than it was. It was an incredible performance. For those of you who aren't familiar with Olwen Fouéré she is a free-lance actor, writer and theatre artist born on the west coast of Ireland to French parents.

Riverrun is such a beautiful, theatrical composition combining music, poetry, lighting and certain amount of dance. Fouéré energises the entire stage so that even though she is alone reciting a monologue that no one in the audience understands it never feels that way. She brings a sort of confidence that contagiously carries you along with the flow of the river.

Her speech is based on the work of James Joyce, Finneagan's Wake. Listening to Fuoéré ramble off half gibberish testimonies of impeccable word play and verses of pure emotion made me desperately want to read this novel. I think that is the most impressive part of this performance, how much feeling she manages to compress into a single dialogue. Along with the incredible lighting it created a mesmerizing, intense hour. The tone set by the darkened stage and expression in her voice is beautiful.

This post has not done her justice I realise because I'm not feeling very well tonight. But also nothing I could ever say could recommend her enough to you. I'd definitely go to see Olwen Fouéré again if I ever get the chance. And so should you.

I don't want to do this

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Blogging is hard
Like your mom.

There was a young man from Spain
Who blogged all day out in the rain
He came in at night
To get a quick bite
And went back to unbearable pain

Blogging can sometimes be so much of fun
Right now I'd prefer to shoot my foot with a gun

Sometimes my mind
fills with dust
like the sky
full of rain clouds

I'm not a blogger
I'm not a poet
I'm just a dreamer
Hell, do I know it

Rants and Ramblings

I've been enjoying BEDA more than I imagined I could this past month but the last few days I haven't been in the mood. It's been great having something that I have to do every day but I'm tiring of it. I'll stick it out to the end though of course. Only a week or so left.

I've been getting back into twitter recently after banishing it from my life for maybe a year. I'm not nearly witty enough for it but I still enjoy the simplicity of such short messages. It allows me to just release thoughts from my mind without feeling like I'm annoying people like I would on facebook, because anyone who is following me is doing it because they chose to and not because they know me in real life and feel some obligation to keep up the pretence that we stay in touch or something. (I don't really no why I'm friends with half the people on facebook.) And I don't know if this spewing of thoughts is a good thing, I know many people complain that it is the worst part of the internet. The fact that 'young people' have a place where they can complain and bitch and they forget that it's 'forever online'.

My parents are getting really clingy and I'm not liking it at all. They keep talking to me and my sister about the 'dangers of the world' and I'm freaking out that they'll send me to a fucking convent or something equally drastic. I'm well aware of how fucked up this world is, possible more so than they are, but locking me up until I'm 21 isn't going to make me any less vulnerable to the dangers. It'll do the exact opposite and I'm worried they really don't see that. I get that they see it as their responsibility to protect me while I'm still a minor but I don't suddenly become self-sufficient when I'm 21, which in their books is an adult. I resent their subconscious belief that growing up is about a number when that is the biggest load of bullshit.
They treat me like I'm some inbecile who only follows other people. Like I can't think for myself and decide what is the 'right' thing to do. They judge everyone based on their own narrow minded traps and assume that we all think exactly the same.

I'm starting to feel what I've always heard people say about teenagers. That they think they know better than everyone else. I'm not saying that I do but it sure as hell feels that way right now. It's starting to feel like I'm the only one with any real sense in this god forsaken place and I can tell you school can't start soon enough for me. I'm sick of my family's company.

Fillers

I'm not in the mood for writing a proper post today. So feel free not to read it. I'm just going to talk about stuff and whatever. Like this band that I discovered a month or so ago called Streetlight Manifesto. They have a really great sound to their songs and their lyrics are simply stirring and refreshing. They're a ska punk group from New Jersey with a really prominent reggae feel to some of their songs. Their songs are pretty catchy and I like them a lot.

Last week I was walking down High Street during my lunch break and there was a proper crowd of people around the town hall where a man was singing Come Healing by Leonard Cohen, which is a favourite song and artist of my choir teacher. He had a microphone and stand set up and so many people had stopped their everyday lives to watch. It reminded me of youtube for some reason. Somehow he gathered all these people to him just like some videos go viral ridiculously quickly, when other buskers and singers scrape by with a few coins and a few interested viewers. I don't understand how this works. It feels like it's always the more professional looking and sounding of creators that get the huge amounts of viewers, even in real life. I just find it strange.

So apparently One Direction have a movie coming out or something? That's the news on Spotify. I seem to be relating everything to youtube these days because the first thing this made me think of was vlogging. I'm not a fan of One Direction's music and I always get a little tickle of irritation when I hear about celebrities releasing movies about their life. But it's not the fact that the musicians are sucking money out of their fans by providing product after product for them to buy. It's the fact that people continue to buy them. And I'm not innocent of this either. Well I am but if my favourite bands released films and everything I would want to see them too. I know I would, I'm just lucky enough, I guess, to like bands who don't drain their fans for everything they're worth. It saddens me though that we as people are so weak that we need idols to cling to and dream about. It doesn't feel like a healthy way to live our lives.

In conclusion: fuck. fuck fuck fuck. I honestly don't care anymore.

The Chronicles of a Childhood Drama Queen #1

I was a stuck up, arrogant, vain, selfish little girl when I was younger. I can see that, now that I've grown up somewhat. I know I could have been so much worse, I could have been a bully, but I think it’s important to realise that just because someone was the victim of bullying as a child, or teenager, it doesn't mean they were nice innocent people at the time. (For the record, children aren't innocent they are fucking monsters, don’t trust them.)

So like I said I could have been a bully and made life horrible for others but I was so wrapped up in my own life and making sure I got what I wanted that I didn't care much for anyone. So here follows the story of my childhood and my realisation that I was not a golden wonder child that glowed inside and out.

I didn't attend pre-school, instead I started Junior Infants at four years of age in a tiny school in the middle of a tiny parish inhabited mainly by old age pensioners (sorry, ‘senior citizens’). There were three girls, one boy and myself in my class. Our school was so small that the first four classes consisting of children 4-9 year olds, were in one classroom and the older four classes of 9-12 year olds were in another. We had two teachers, a secretary and a special education teacher who came in a couple of times a week to help kids with slight learning disabilities. This was the place I spent my first eight years of education. This was where I met my first friend, first enemy, first crush, first bully. It was a place of many firsts for me and in this series of blog posts I plan to tell them to you for the first time.

For the first 3-4 years of school my life was pretty simple, I knew how everything worked, I got on well with my class, I stayed out of the way of big kids and the teachers liked me. My best friend was your stereotypical perfect-popular girl. Well, you know, for seven year olds. Loved by teachers and students alike she was pretty and clever and had an older brother which gave her special ‘Big One’ privileges in the playground. (Like for real, we called the older kids the Big Ones and the youngers the Little Ones. Also everyone in the Little Ones classroom referred to the teacher as Yes. No-one ever understood why but we always did it. I think it must have stemmed from the mishearing of Miss. But no-one ever questioned it we just always called her that. She gave up trying to stop the habit. It went on for years, as in from the time I started school to after I left. For all I know it’s still happening. Then magically when we entered the Big Ones classroom we stopped. It was social suicide for a Big One to call a teacher Yes. And of course we immediately picked up the habit of mocking the Little Ones for calling their teacher Yes. Children can be so naively cruel.)

Everyone wanted to be BFFs with this girl, who for the purpose of this blog we will refer to as B. (Because A could get confusing.)

There was another girl in my class who desperately wanted to be best friends with B. We’re going to call her C. Understand that I hated this girl, C. She was trying to steal my best friend and that was something I couldn’t afford to let happen. Besides that she was just a nasty child, in my childly opinion. She was unintelligent, unfriendly and unpretty. You don’t have to tell me I was a shallow bitch. It’s not that I was even a particularly attractive child, I just had a majorly high opinion of myself and therefore a really low one of everyone else. C was also a major tell-tale, which ought to have won her countless enemies but somehow she still managed to stay high up in the social chain. I credited this to the way she dogged B’s heels as though afraid she would lose sight of her for a second. As well as all this she was the worst person I've ever known for bragging. She got all the newest games and consoles and dolls as well as clothes, DVDs, music, anything she wanted. She lost no time in making sure everyone knew she had them. She always had a story to tell about something interesting, great or funny that she or someone she knew had done - which incidentally never was interesting, great or funny at all, but it never stopped her from telling everyone. And of course she was trying  to steal my best friend. Not to mentioned that she clearly hated me. I have to be honest when I say that she was the first person I experienced bullying from. She did everything to keep me away from B so that she could be alone with her to talk about everyone in the school. I can’t recall the particulars but I know she made many a bitchy comment to me and though I was never one to believe people who told me kids were only mean because they were jealous, but I know for a fact that with C it was pure jealousy through and through. I think she believed herself that I was really B’s Bestest friend and it ate her up inside. When questioned, as she was weekly by C, who her BFFF was, B would respond that we were both her BFFFs! But of course I knew, I knew that she only said that to spare C’s feelings! Truly I was her only BFFF!

I’ve mentioned very little about the third girl in my class who becomes very important later on. For now it’s enough to say that she was part of our friend group but none of us had any say in the friends we had as there was so little choice in our sorry excuse for a school. We all went to each others parties, played together at lunch, invited each other to our houses and acted very much as though we were friends. In truth the only person I liked was B and only then because she popular and known by everyone. Almost subconsciously I saw her as a way to stay at the top of the social tower and even though then I didn’t understand the full importance of social life I knew I was safer being at the top.

None of us shared anything in common because none of us had any real interests. Looking back I realise how much my childhood was controlled by others. We played with the toys that were advertised on TV, we listened to the music that was played on the radio, we watched the shows that everyone was talking about, but none of it because we viewed it as good. We did it because everyone else was and we knew no different. That's what being a child is about. It's about following others because we have not yet discovered what is ours. It's about doing as we're told before we figure out why. No one explains anything to you as a child, you have to pick up pieces as you go and eventually build the full picture. Even when you're older you're constantly build a bigger and greater picture, one that is never complete until you have all the information that exists about everything. Which simply is not available at this time. But growing up is about using what you know to make your own decisions rather than just following orders. That is what makes the difference between a child and an adult.

Also Setting Goals

A couple of days ago Danielle wrote a post about setting realistic goals and knowing what is the best that you can do. Before setting goals you need to figure out what your limitations are, as difficult as this might be. I like to compare setting goals to buying insurance. Before buying say, house insurance, you have to value your house. Overvaluing it is pointless because you'll end up paying a higher premium and still only ever receive compensation for the real value. Undervaluing is an equally bad idea as you won't be compensated for the necessary amount, in the event damage.
The same goes in setting goals for yourself. Underestimating your abilities will only succeed in preventing yourself from reaching your full potential and overconfidence in your capacity leads to huge disappointments when the inevitable failure arrives.

My aim this school year is to figure out what my capabilities are. I'm going to push myself to the limit and work harder than I've ever done before. I need to know honestly how capable I am in terms of academia because up until now I've always done as little work as possible without disappointing myself with complete failure. I've accepted whatever grade I got because I knew that I hadn't worked my hardest. I didn't care very much as long as I passed.

But I'm going into Leaving Cert now and I still don't know what I want to do when I leave school. Because of this I really want to keep my options wide open by getting the highest possible points I can in the exam. I plan to figure out what exactly that is by working as hard as I know how this year.

My Favourite...

So today's theme is favourite. Just one favourite. My ultimate favourite. My favourite of favourites. Yeah I've done it, favourite doesn't look like a real word anymore...

I hate choosing favourites, it's something I have steadfastly refused to do in the past but here we are and I need to decide what is the one thing I love most in the world. And I think I have to choose Green Day.

When it comes to music I was a pretty late bloomer. When I was younger I didn't know anything about the charts or what music was popular, hell the only singer I even knew the name of was Britney Speares and I didn't really know any of her music. All of my friends would talk about new songs that were out and their favourite singers and I'd pretend I knew exactly what they were talking about and agree that the new Beyoncé song was the super catchy. I was about ten when I first started listening to the radio at home and singing along to the current chart toppers. My first love was Rihanna and Avril Lavigne but I then discovered a slightly more rock station that didn't constantly play the newest pop. This was where I first heard of Green Day.

I fell in love with their music and Billie Joe Armstrong's voice immediately. It honestly was love at first listen. Everything about their sound enchanted me and awakened something in my heart that no other music ever had before. They opened my mind to a world outside of the romance focused pop I was used to. So after that I spent hours listening to the radio waiting and hoping that they would play Green Day. And when they did I sang along as loudly as I dared with my bedroom door closed hoping my siblings wouldn't hear and come to mock me. (The joy of having older brothers.)

Billie Joe was my first celebrity crush. Before I even knew what he looked like I was obsessed. He was the first person I ever idolised and still remains a massive role model to me. I don't remember when I eventually saw the band for the first time but it only increased my love for them. Their look matched so perfectly with their sound and it was everything I had expected. Everything from Billie Joe's hair and guy-liner to Tré's slightly creepy, cheeky smile and Mike's tattoos escalated my obsession until they were practically all I thought about.

I remember when their album 21st Century Breakdown was released and to my ecstatic delight, their songs became more frequent occurrences on the radio. I learned to recognise their songs just by the first guitar cord and would immediately jump up to turn up the volume. I could even recognise a song I'd never heard before by Billie Joe's voice after a single syllable sometimes. He has incredibly unique vocals and the most beautiful, mesmerizing voice I've ever heard.

Green Day has shaped who I am today, the music I listen to, my sense of humour and many of my values. I can't imagine the person I would be if I had never discovered they're music at such a young age because they introduced me to such realism and authenticity that defines this world. They have been the single most influential thing in my life so it's only right I name them my favourite. My favourite favourite.

The Ice Cream Expert

Yesterday I made ice-cream which it looks beautiful and tastes like heaven. So now I will show it to you and teach you how to do the same.

And as my Junior Cert Home Ec. teacher would say, no dish is complete without a garnish!

I took the original recipe from 'smart savvy living' and made three different flavours with it. So here is my super easy ice-cream recipe.

Total Ingredients (Everthing you need!):

464g / 2 cups double cream

397g / 14 ounces condensed milk

88g dark chocolate

2 tbs cocoa powder

4 tbs whole grain flour or plain flour

4 tbs granulated (caster) sugar

2 tbs vegetable oil

2 tbs water

60 ml / 4 tbs Golden syrup

100g granulated (caster) sugar

1 1/2 tsp bread (bicarbonate) soda

Strawberries/raspberries/blueberries etc. (quantity according to your preference)

Chocolate Brownies:

2 tbs cocoa powder

4 tbs whole grain flour or plain flour

(whole grain gives a grittier, oatier texture which I like especially in the ice-cream)

4 tbs granulated (caster) sugar

2 tbs vegetable oil

2 tbs water

(I used a microwave brownie recipe for this dish because it's quick and easy and I didn't have enough chocolate to make regular brownies as well as ice-cream.)

1. Put the sugar, flour and cocoa in a bowl and mix.
2. Add the oil and water and stir until combined.
3. Spread onto a microwave proof plate and flatten.
4. Microwave for 60 - 90 seconds. They should still quite soft but not gooey.
5. Cut into small, bite-sized chunks (remember they will be very hard when frozen) and allow to cool.

Honeycomb:

60 ml / 4 tbs Golden syrup

100g granulated (caster) sugar

1 1/2 tsp bread (bicarbonate) soda

1. Put the sugar and and syrup into a saucepan and stir together.
2. Place pan on the heat and let mixture first melt, then turn to goo and then to a bubbling mass - approx. 3 minutes. Do not stir once on the heat.
3. Take off the heat and and whisk in the bread soda. Once it has risen into an aerated cloud turn immediately onto a sheet of greased baking parchment. Do not attempt to spread it once poured out.
4. Leave until it has set and gone hard, then bash so that it breaks into smithereens.

Other Ingredients

464g / 2 cups double cream

397g / 14 ounces condensed milk

88g dark chocolate

Making the Ice-cream:

1. Divide the condensed milk into three different bowls, each containing approximately the same quantity.
2. Chop up your selection of berries into small chunks, always keeping in mind that they will be frozen solid.
3. Stir in the fruit into one bowl and the broken honeycomb into another. Leave the brownie aside for now.
4. I used 88g of dark chocolate because it was all that was in my house but apply the quantity to your own preference. I did turn out a deliciously rich chocolate fyi.
5. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pot of water or in the microwave.
6. While chocolate is melting beat the double cream with an electric mixer until thick but not overly stiff.
7. Stir the melted chocolate into the remaining bowl of condensed milk until combined. Then add the chunk of brownie and mix.
8. Gently fold in a third of the cream into each bowl and continue mixing until smooth.
9. Pour into Tupperware containers, cover and freeze for 6 hours.

Parachutes are important, okay?

Danielle and I were looking at blog post idea generators for inspiration. And they are really bad. Like super awful. So naturally we decided to use them.

Welcome to 'Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Parachutes' ft. Incredibly Awful Puns.

1. Coldplay fell into the music industry with their debut album Parachutes in 2000.

2. Parachute is a town in Colorado, USA with a descending population of approximately 1,006.

3. Parachute is the brand name of a selection of coconut based hair products. Unfortunately their sales have dropped dramatically in recent years.

4. Parachuting is a slang term for wrapping powdered drugs in toilet paper and swallowing, to prevent tasting the chemicals. But unlike regular parachuting, this doesn't  lessen the plunge after being so high.

5. Parachute journalism is the term given when a reporter is dropped into reporting on an area where they have little knowledge. This sort of management regularly leads to a down-fall in accurate journalism.

6. Parachute pants reached their peek in popularity during the 1980s due to the high numbers of people, mainly male, who became part of the cultural obsession with breakdancing. One could say the parachute pants helped break their fall, or were at least more comfortable to wear when falling in with the music.

7. Within a BDSM relationship a parachute collar may be used to fasten around the scrotum and hang weights from it on chains. Personally I find this behaviour a bit of a drag but many people are up for it.

8. Parachute is a Christian music festival held in New Zealand that has been flying rings around every other multi-day festival outside of the US since 1991.

Don't tell me I didn't try super hard to make this topic interesting for you. I promise to work on better puns for next time. (NEXT TIME? I hear you wail. I'm sorry my friend, I truly am.)

What is Fashion?

I used to find the whole idea of trends and fashion completely materialistic, I thought it didn't fit in with my values at all. Since then I've taken myself down a notch and re-evaluated a lot of my beliefs. It's safe to say I was stuck pretty far up my own behind at that time but I like to think I've crawled back out now.

I don't like putting a lot of effort into my own styling of the clothing I wear and I'm not very skilled at that kind of thing. Literally the only rule of styling that I knew before this summer was don't wear navy-blue and black together. While spending three weeks in an Irish summer college, I learned from my friend that you also shouldn't wear something baggy on top and bottom. If you're wearing baggy trousers wear a tight top and vice versa. I think that is just one of her rules though. She did try to educate me on other rules in styling too but I've forgotten them all by now. Shows you exactly how much interest I have in it.

It annoys me however that so much emphasis is put on what we wear. If want to slouch around in my comfy tracksuits I shouldn't have to bother about how people will think of me. I also find it weird that there are dress codes to specific events and that tracksuits and jeans aren't acceptable clothing in many work environments. This brings me on to hair colour and style, piercings, tattoos etc. Why is it that we live in a culture that frowns upon a lack of effort in the clothing department and then frowns upon an effort to accessorise one's body? Is it that we have some innate belief that laziness is bad and because these accessories are permanent that implies the user is some kind of waster? I honestly can't figure it out. On the outside our society encourages individuality and uniqueness but in practice it does everything possible to drag us into conformity.

And to me that is what fashion is all about. It's an art form used to express a sense of originality and self identity and when done well it can be one of the most powerful expressions of opinion. The problem is that conventional fashion has turned into the complete opposite of that. Trends are set by some unknown identity (that may be a fashion designer or may be an evil dictator fulfilling their dream of world domination) and people follow them. Where is the creativity? Where is the expression of thought? It amazes me that we have succeeded in turning what was once a clear outlet for making a statement into another monotonous queue of sheep. This is why we can't have nice things.

The Breaking of a Free Spirit

Last night I attended a showing of the Taming of the Shrew by the Globe theatre production company on tour. I'm not going to do a review on the show or talk their performance - suffice to say they were wonderful and entertaining and if you ever get a chance to see them live don't miss it. But today I want to talk about the story. SPOILER ALERT, obviously.

The Taming of the Shrew may be a well known as a Shakespearean comedy but by the end it felt much like a death had occurred. Which in some sense it had. The story follows a wealthy man, Baptista's two daughters Katherina and Bianca, the first and eldest is difficult and independent, the second and younger beautiful and humble. Many suitors come to win Bianca's hand in marriage but her father refuses to allow her until her elder sister is wedded first. So it falls that Petruchio arrives and encouraged by Katherina's expansive dowry agrees to woo her. Intrigued by his eagerness where every other man has been afraid ever to step and his charming way with words, she permits his presence. Petruchio announces then that she is completely in love with him and despite her protests declares them to be wed the following Sunday. At the wedding Petruchio turns up late in a drunken state and assaults the priest before carrying Katherina away against her will, claiming her as his property just as much as his lands and house.
In his home he deprives her of food, sleep and clean clothing claiming for his reasons that she is too good for any of it. His true objective is however to force her into obedience like one would a dog or a horse.

If you have read the play or watched the film you might be thinking that I'm over reacting with my feminist views but I'm telling you what was in the play I saw. I have previously watched the film and though I felt slightly uncomfortable at times, it seemed as though Katherina could give as good as she got when it came to Petruchio. In the live performance though I did not see this. It bore every resemblance to an abusive relationship, both physical and psychological and I felt sick watching it.

I have never been more disgusted and afraid for human kind than sitting there in my seat listening to the raucous laughter from the audience as Petruchio forced his wife to greet an elderly gentleman as a young maiden. That a woman so determined and self-governing, so unwilling to be anyone's wife could so quickly be turned into a feeble and powerless slave to her husband - it was heartbreaking to watch.

I was ready to start sobbing by the end but a sort of shock seemed to hold back the tears that brimmed my eyes. Katherina's closing speech was in reference to a bet Petruchio had made with two other gentlemen about who's wife was the most submissive and compliant. Her own eyes filled with tears she had declared under Petruchio's order that a wife duty was to serve her husband in his every want and there was no point in refusing to do so for it would only start a war that she could not possibly win. It was easier then, to follow his orders to keep the peace for no good would ever come from fighting her husband.

"I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;"

She implored to anyone for a reason why women's bodies were so fragile and weak compared to men's and her sister and the others stared open mouthed at the shocking transformation that had come over her. Bianca, who was previously seen as a soft-willed woman was horrified at how yielding her older sister had become and appeared in comparison to be immensely confident and self-determining.

I say it is a Shakespearean tragedy because by the end of the story Katherina's will was broken and her freedom murdered. I don't mean anything against the Globe Theatre company because they put on a magnificent performance nor do I suggest you strive to take any values of Shakespeare from this play because a person's writing may in no way reflect their beliefs. I just wanted to have a little rant.

A Formal Appearance: REVIEWED

Can we talk about The Casual Vacancy? I finished reading it last night so if you haven't read it and you want to know nothing about it I don't think I need to tell you to get lost. Having said that I'm not going to give away any spoilers, only what is necessary for you to understand what I'm talking about. I want to discuss why I think it hasn't received the good reviews I think it deserves.

In my humble opinion J.K. Rowling's first adult novel is a fucking masterpiece of writing. The way she creates such a huge variety of detailed characters is something I can only dream of ever achieving. She has a gift for getting inside of the characters' mind and personality and scrutinizing every action and decision they make bringing it back full circle so there is not a single question about their reasoning left unanswered. The vastness of every character in this book has left me awestruck, I'm not exaggerating. The diversity between characters too is something that must have taken so much time and effort. I imagine that before even starting the novel she wrote essays on each and every character to fully define their beliefs, fears and dreams and work out their personal development through the novel. I have already known from the extra writing released after Harry Potter just how much thought and work Rowling puts into her characters but this is more evident than ever in ACV.

Throughout reading it the main thought in my head was how 'real' the novel is. In many ways it seems the direct opposite the Harry Potter books. Where as HP is a very black and white, good versus evil story, ACV challenges what is good, what is right. It challenges the beliefs and empathy of the reader forcing them to accept the reality that everyone has both good and bad within them. Nothing is inherently evil.
It faces reality head on, leaving very little of our desperate world untouched. When I started reading it my first impression was that this was what a television soap would look like in book form. And in a way it is, dealing issues such as death, drugs, unloyalty, suicide and dead-end relationships, to name a few.

It's such a dense novel containing so many different stories, One would expect with so many lives compressed into a short space that they would be hurried and lose the effect they might have had, had they been in a novel of their own. But I didn't feel like this happened. Rowling has created what should be a timeless novel which is relevant to every age group from teenagers to a hundred-and-something year olds. It is clearly aimed at the older group but I, as a sixteen year old girl, can still relate to several of the characters.

There is no doubt about it that it's a dark novel and so far from HP that at times it's hard to believe the same woman wrote both. Rowling's writing still retains the familiar charm, however, that I've grown to love. Her style is such a simple, pleasurable read and I found myself staying up late almost every night transfixed by her writing skill. She took a straightforward story in a small village and turned it into a riveting tale of pain and injustice fired by a silent raging war, which all began after the death of one simple man.

Book Tag

My friend, Danielle, made a book tag so that's what I'm doing today.

1. Which book universe would you most like to live in?

There's always a part of me that desperately wants to go to Middle Earth and live my life in the picturesque Shire in a little cosy hobbit hole and never have to worry about a single problem. Just eat good food, drink good drink and smoke a pipe all day long. But unless I had Gandalf turning up on my doorstep to go on adventures every now and again I think I'd grow restless in that quiet place too quickly.
I'd think I'd most like to live on the island kingdom of Lienid from the Graceling universe because the King and Queen are so kind there and everyone appears at peace with each other. It seems like the most idyllic society and even those with Graces are treated with such respect despite being feared and enslaved in every other part of the world.

2. If you could be any character in any book, who would you be?

I'd like to be Sherlock Holmes for a while just to see the world through his eyes. I think it would be amazingly interesting but I wouldn't choose to be him forever. He may have incredible talents but he does not have an enviable lifestyle, with his drug abuse and his near delirious reactions when not occupied with a case.
I'd love to be Albus Dumbledore, if I'm honest. I know he has had a terrible past and a really difficult life but he still manages to enjoy what he has. They may think he's batty but he cares about his students and teachers and everything he does is in their best interest. He still fights evil where a lesser person would have given up and gone into retirement. He knows his duty as a headmaster and an idol to many witches and wizards. So yeah, I'd really like to be Dumbledore.
Or alternatively Luna Lovegood. She's so unconcerned with other peoples opinions of her and I really admire that.

3. Which fictional family from any book would you join?

My first instinct is to say the Weasley family because of how lovable and close they all are. Their house and their car and everything about them, to me is exactly how a family should be.
But I also really like the family in The Mysterious Benedict Society, because they aren't related by blood but they've bonded so profoundly and they might just love each other more than any other family. They are at least more aware of their love.

4. If you could have any character in any book as a best friend, who would it be?

Ron Weasley. I love his sense of humour and his sudden outburst. I just think he's a really cool character. Also Margo Roth Spiegelman. I realise she prefers to do all her adventures on her own but together we would come up with even crazier plans and break rule you didn't even know existed.

5. Which character from any book would be your nemesis?

Quite possibly Stuart 'Fats' Wall from The Casual Vacancy. He describes so much that I dislike in a person. His habit of making a distasteful comment on every fault and failure that anyone has ever had, his belief that he is somehow better than everyone else because he seeks an 'authentic' life, his hypocritical attitude, his targeting of the weak, how he uses people for his own pleasure and gives them nothing back, I could go on. He would be my nemesis.

6. Which character from any book would you want to be your mentor?

Tori, the tattoo artist in Divergent. She's really knowledgeable and reassuring. And a super cool person

7. If you could have any occupation from any fictional book, what would you be?

Consulting Detective. Hands-down that's my dream job. Whatever world I'm in.

8. You have a clique. You can choose any character from any book to be in on your clique. Who would you choose?

This is my gang: Sherlock Holmes, Ron Weasley, Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. And perhaps Bellatrix Lestrange, just for a bit of diversity.

9. You can ask any character from any book one question. What would it be?

Lemony Snicket: WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THE SUGAR BOWL AND WHERE IS IT NOW?

10. Who do you tag?

You! If you're reading this you're obliged to do this tag. Then comment below telling what your blog is so I can read it. So I'll be expecting the same amount of comments and responses as views. Ha you didn't know what you were signing up for when you read this post! 

Snow Riding-Hood and Gandalf

I left it really late to write this and I’m not in the mood for anything difficult so I’m just going to practice some creative writing as I haven’t done anything of that sort in a while.

She sprinted through the dense green trees overgrown with thistles and thorns. Her crimson satin dress draped below her knees and the lace trimming caught and tore leaving a tell-tale thread on a low branch. On she ran obliviously, her mind not on her inevitable pursuers, she had time only for the destination. Branches cracked and split under the heavy trekking boots she had needed to beg to have purchased for her. She fleetingly recalled the pestering and pleading she had repeatedly bombarded her mother with, her claims that she had weak feet and needed stronger soles than the dainty, pointed-toe heels offered and that surely her physical well being was more important than how aesthetically pleasing her feet would appear to the palace staff who were the singular beings ever permitted to appear in her presence. Aside from at the annual palace ball of course, she recollected with a shudder.

Slowly the trees began to thin out and she suddenly broke out into the empty clearing. He wasn’t here yet. He should have been here by now. She stopped, sucking deep shallow breaths, her chest heaving. She thought she would collapse from exhaustion. In the palace she was not encouraged to exercise her muscles. That sort of exertion was expected of the men of course but was not considered lady-like. She was more than an hour late when she left the palace and had half killed herself to cover the two and half miles as quickly as possible. But he wasn’t here. She didn’t even consider the fact that he had left without her. If anything he had told her was true then he would have waited all night for her if necessary. Now and not for the first time though, she wondered had it all been lies to convince her to leave the palace alone after dark. But she had to come. How could she live with herself if she didn’t find out the truth?

She felt a cold chill creep up the back of her neck. Slowly she turned in a circle, scrutinizing her surroundings. She had never been outside this late before and she only had her thin ball gown with its sheer, lace sleeves ending at her wrists. Her dark hair had fallen out of its pile and hung in loose, thick waves over her shoulders. How long could she wait here for him? When would they realize she was no longer anywhere in the vicinity?

The full moon shone through the treetops. They had chosen this night specifically because of the natural light that that would light their way and also because the ball would continue on until early morning at which point everyone including most of the staff would fall into a deep, intoxicated sleep. If she was lucky they would be so preoccupied not to notice her absence until the next morning. One could only hope, she thought.

“Pleased to see you could make it, Adrienne,” a soft voice spoke from behind her. Jumping slightly she spun around. How had he crept up on her so silently?

“I suppose you expect me to say the same for you, turning up two hours after we had arranged?” she replied more rudely than she had intended. Her heart was still beating too fast and her nerves were on edge. Now that she had gotten here she didn’t know what to do. Staring at his glittering blue eyes she could tell he was laughing at her agitation. His sallow, wrinkled skin contrasted so with her own soft, white visage. As always her skittish feelings faded away almost immediately when in his presence.

“So Adrienne, are you ready to find an adventure?” his eyes twinkled again and a smile flickered for a moment across his lips. She felt her own mouth slide into a smile and then she was standing in the moon-lit glade beaming at the old man.

“I’m ready Grandfather,” she replied, taking a step towards him. He smiled gently back at her, turning and Adrienne walked with him into the trees.

Stories from the Streets

I've been working with the Kilkenny Arts Festival all week, as I was last year. I wrote two blog posts last year on my exhausting experience which you can see here and here. This year won't be nearly as interesting because I'm not working at any of the events themselves but hopefully I can bring you a few juicy tales.

 A couple of days ago I was working in the box office when a middle-aged man wearing sunglasses and a dirty looking cap shuffled in and asked us to call a taxi. He swaggered up to my colleague's desk and began to complain that he had been waiting an hour for a taxi and he had no phone. When he was politely told that we aren't permitted to make phone calls for members of the public and should try Langton's restaurant just up the road, he started swearing loudly in frustration. He said Langton's refused to call him a taxi and repeated that he'd been waiting an hour and needed a taxi. After, it seemed, he had determined that he would not get a taxi called for him here he swayed out of the building muttering obscenities under his breath.

Not long after this he returned and my colleague who had spoken to him before was now on the phone with a customer. He hovered in the entrance for a couple of moments before moving towards my desk where I followed general customer procedure, smiling and asking how I could help. He claimed he had been in the sun all day and was fatigued and needed a taxi. I told him as politely as I could that we couldn't call him a taxi here and there was nothing I could do to help him. I again suggested that he ask Langton's, who will normally order anyone a taxi who needs it. He claimed he had tried Langton's earlier that week and they had threatened to call the police if he didn't leave. I'm not going to lie, he seemed like he had been drinking and he looked - I don't mean to be prejudiced - but like a drug dealer. So it didn't surprise me that Langton's had told him they'd call the police, doubtlessly for unruly behaviour.
This second time in the box office, when I spoke to him, he was discouraged more easily and left pretty quickly still muttering and telling anyone who would listen that it was "fucking ridiculous". Don't ask me what.

So fast forward to today. I was sent on an errand because the office was very quiet and everyone knows that office workers can't live without their coffee. I was walking up Kieran's street (which is well known in Kilkenny for its delinquent teenagers and its druggies) when I saw the same man again. He appeared to be even more intoxicated this time and was yelling at tourists and passers-by. I've never seen people group together in public so suddenly the way I saw them today. Exactly like in a film where someone is making a scene and strangers gather around to watch the drama unfold. It felt so surreal to see it happen right in front of my eyes.
An Asian family with two young children were subjected to his pointless, angry rant but they wisely ignored him completely and quickly walked away. Losing his prey he turned on two unsuspecting women almost shouting "What are you looking at?! I saw how you looked at me! Don't you look at me like that!!"
The women were clearly quiet frightened and though I didn't have a perfect view because the woman's back was to me, the man either hit one of them or tried to pull her scarf from her. But he definitely touched her shoulder/arm area. By now there was quiet a crowd watching from a distance but no one was doing anything to help the women. I was closer to the scene than most of the viewers and I was ready to step in and tell him to back off if he did anything else. I had to hold myself back from intervening. I hated so much to see two women standing helpless to this man while everyone around watched, but I was painfully aware that I was just one small girl and for my own personal safety I forced myself not to approach the scene unless he made a second approach at the women. I guess in this circumstance my Slytherin won through my Gryffindor.

In retrospect I think it would have been safe to interfere because the truth is people are afraid of getting involved with situations that don't concern them. They wait for someone else to act first but then people usually follow suit quickly. I think had I stepped up first to try even the most feeble of attempts to stop this drunken man other onlookers would have help me out. Maybe my opinion of humans is overly positive but I sort of wish now that I had tried to help.

The man got bored after that though and walked off still angrily swearing into the wind. Both women were considerably shaken as they moved down the street in the opposite direction. It makes me sad that there are people who just seem angry at the whole world and can't or won't contain it. It doesn't seem fair that the rest of the world should be inflicted with their built up anger. And also sad that no-one tried to help these poor women who were the victims of his inebriated outburst.