Moving Swiftly Along

I think perhaps I've forgotten how to blog. It's very different from riding a bicycle. There is no right or wrong way therefore once forgotten it's hard to remember exactly what it is you've forgotten. What I mean to say is that I had found a method of blogging that I liked and that worked for me but now I've lost it. I don't know what it was I was trying to achieve so I can't continue trying to achieve it.

I used to blog to clear my head and to sort out my thoughts. It was just a place to put my words so that they didn't end up lost or in the washing machine. Losing my blogging voice is like losing my direction. I'm just not sure where I'm going with this anymore. And by this I mean just about everything.

That probably sounds ridiculous now I come to think of it. My posts never seemed to have any outward direction. They did however provide me with the key to reading the map. Have you also noticed how incredibly pretentious I'm sounding these days? I'm not sure if this is a new thing or I was always this way but I'm just beginning to notice. I really don't like the sound of it.

I think sometimes I try so hard to not take things seriously that I'm simply hiding from the fact that I really care a lot about said things. I suppose I wish that I could see everything as a joke, that way the outcome wouldn't matter. But in all honesty I care immensely about a lot of things that are beyond my control and many things that are also within my control. But if I try at these things I'm admitting that I care. So I don't try. And this is just possibly the root of my procrastination.
WOW was that a conclusion? I didn't ever think I'd make it.

Improvements and Relapses

Today is Wednesday, dear readers. For the next week I'm going to write a post a day. Don't expect them to be good (not that you ever do...) but expect them, none the less. I'm going to tackle this procrastination problem if it's the last thing I do.

You might notice my blog design is a bit awful at the moment. I'm trying to design a background but the measurements are proving difficult. Also I get distracted easily. We've already established this I believe.

I finished reading The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton today, which means I'll probably watch the film soon because that is how I roll. I feel like the book receives more hype than it deserves but having said that I did enjoy it. It wouldn't be the first thing I'd recommend to a friend though. 6/10 maybe?

I'm almost finished the third book in A Song of Ice and Fire aka Game of Thrones series, A Storm of Swords. Those books take me so long to get through but it doesn't help when I start reading another book in the middle. No spoilers but it's gotten to a point in the story where I'm sort of expecting something massive to happen. It's not that it's dull or slow moving or drawn out in the least but it's just a constant series of the events of the war and I'm kind of...bored.

So that's my Wednesday see you tomorrow. For realz this time.

When you can't blog...

The biggest problem a lot of bloggers face is a lack of ideas. I face this myself more often than not. It can be difficult to continuously put out content and sometimes I just don't seem to have anything to say. I have, however compiled a master list of super easy, blog posts that anyone can write.

1. Everyone has at least one recipe/meal that they can make. I don't really care if it's boiled pasta or a strawberry roulette but you've made it so many times that you are the master chef of it.
2. Hand-write a post and scan it so your readers can attempt to read your horrific handwriting.
3. Write a review of something you loved /hated,
4. Tell us about your childhood.
5. Compile a list of suitable gifts for specific people e.g. mum, dad etc.
6. Tell us about your personal style and inspirations.
7. Write a letter to your future self.
8. A Day in the Life post. If The Beatles can stoop so low then you can too.
9. If it's Christmas or Halloween or any other holiday that you decorate for take some photos and record your beautiful home for future reference.
10. Picture post. If you aren't the instagraming type or you have a tonne of photos on your phone or camera that you don't want to delete but need to free up space this is the perfect opportunity to make use of your blog.
11. If you really aren't in the mood ask a friend or family member to write a post about you. Or if you have blogger friends swap blogs for a day and write their post while they do yours.
12. Talk about your favourite social medias, share the funniest cat video you watched this week or post some interesting links that have caught your interest. This is literally so easy you could have it done in 10 minutes.
13. Write a post about your favourite blogs, books, films, songs, artist whatever. I don't know about you but I like talking about things I like.
14. Interview a willing friend or family member.
15. Interview yourself.
16. Welcome to my crib. Give a house tour complete with photos or catalog your favourite spots in your local area.
17. Make a list. Things to do Before I'm Old and Boring or 30 before 30, whatever fits.
18. Create a playlist to suit your particular mood/ writer's block.
19. Share your deepest darkest secrets with the internet with a 5 things you never wanted to know about me post. (Or for the faint-hearted 5 things you don't know about me)
20. If the world revolved around you, where do you want to be in 5 years time? Go on, be honest.

Permission to Write a Shitty First Draft (And Other Tangents)

Anne Lamott and probably a whole load of other people, once said something along the lines of, You need to give yourself permission to write a shitty first draft. That was an awkwardly-phrased opening sentence but this is my first draft. Therefore it can be as horrendous as I make. Admittedly I don't plan on making a second draft, and I think that is sort of the point but tough. My blog, my rules.

When you take a break from something that has previously been a routine it can be really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I no longer have school distracting me from spilling my secrets onto the internet and my intensely wild social life has inexplicably gone silent. ...Yes my intensely wild social life... Stop giving my blog post that look....I have friends...

Amazingly I can still find excuses not to blog despite it being one of my favourite everyday things to do. I just don't understand my brain. I need genuine advice on this: How does one overcome a procrastination addiction?

I considering following the 9 step plan designed for addicts. I'm going to Google that right now actually. (This is like fucking live blogging, man.)

Okay lesson #1 learned from Google today: It's a 12 step program not 9. According to Wikipedia the aims of the program are as follows:

• Admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion; (✓)
• Recognizing a higher power that can give strength; (Um...?)
• Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member); (Volunteers please!)
• Making amends for these errors; (I don't think I've harmed anyone other than my future self)
• Learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior; (This is what I need to get to)
• Helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions. (Yeah! I can start a business called Muldowney Motivation)

Step 1: Admittance
Hi, I'm Kate and I'm a Procrastinator! (Monotonous chorus: Hi, Kate.) I first realised that my procrastination was a major problem when I was spending three hours doodling and staring off into space every Saturday with a text book open in front of me.

Step2: Belief in Recovery
Okay so this is the higher power mumbo-jumbo. According to Recovery.org, the goal of this step is to allow participants to come"to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." It focuses on creating hope and faith in returning to a healthy state.

Hmm I'm just realising that an awful lot of these steps are very religion-centred. I'm going to do some more research and get back to you tomorrow. Or the next day. Probably.

Asking Too Much

I want to share with you a poem. I feel as though if I could answer every question in this poem and piece the answers together into a picture then I'd finally know myself.

I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with.
Tell me why you loved them,
then tell me why they loved you.

Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through.
Tell me what the word home means to you
and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name
just by the way you describe your bedroom
when you were eight.

See, I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate,
and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.

Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain
or bounce in the bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman,
would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms
or would leave your snowman armless
for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would,
would you notice how that tree weeps for you
because your snowman has no arms to hug you
every time you kiss him on the cheek?

Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?
Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad
even if it makes your lover mad?
Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion
or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?

See, I wanna know what you think of your first name,
and if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy
when she spoke it for the very first time.

I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind.
Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel.
Tell me, knowing I often picture Gandhi at ten years old
beating up little boys at school.

If you were walking by a chemical plant
where smokestacks were filling the sky with dark black clouds
would you holler “Poison! Poison! Poison!” really loud
or would you whisper
“That cloud looks like a fish,
and that cloud looks like a fairy!”

Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin?
Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea?
And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me —
how would you explain the miracle of my life to me?

See, I wanna know if you believe in any god
or if you believe in many gods
or better yet
what gods believe in you.
And for all the times that you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself,
have the prayers you asked come true?
And if they didn’t, did you feel denied?
And if you felt denied,
denied by who?

I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling good.
I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling bad.
I wanna know the first person who taught you your beauty
could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass.

If you ever reach enlightenment
will you remember how to laugh?

Have you ever been a song?
Would you think less of me
if I told you I’ve lived my entire life a little off-key?
And I’m not nearly as smart as my poetry
I just plagiarize the thoughts of the people around me
who have learned the wisdom of silence.

Do you believe that concrete perpetuates violence?
And if you do —
I want you to tell me of a meadow
where my skateboard will soar.

See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving,
and if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes
from other people’s wounds,
and if you dream sometimes
that this life is just a balloon —
that if you wanted to, you could pop,
but you never would
‘cause you’d never want it to stop.

If a tree fell in the forest
and you were the only one there to hear —
if its fall to the ground didn’t make a sound,
would you panic in fear that you didn’t exist,
or would you bask in the bliss of your nothingness?

And lastly, let me ask you this:

If you and I went for a walk
and the entire walk, we didn’t talk —
do you think eventually, we’d… kiss?

No, wait.
That’s asking too much —
after all,
this is only our first date.

Andrea Gibson